Jesus H Christ, Annette Bening has dressed like an Oscars statuette and her hair is literally standing straight up. She is also giggling hysterically on the red carpet. Maybe she's just spotted her reflection in the mirror.
Anne Hathaway has come to the ceremony with ... Valentino. Come on, Anne, we know you've been burnt in love before by your thieving Italian boyfriend but could you really not find a better date than a strange orange gnome?
Well played, Natalie Portman, in your long purple dress which almost totally disguises your pregnancy. While all actresses are, of course, expected to spawn as otherwise they will be seen as tragic failures (see The Aniston Disaster), they must not look pregnant as that is basically the same as looking fat. So well done, Natalie, for mastering this conundrum.Now just try not to announce that your fiancé wants to shag you as you did at the Oscars and we'll all go home happy.
Nicole Kidman has come as the White Swan. Nice try there, Kidman, we see what you did there. Keith Urban hair update: still working those highlights. And those highlights still ain't working.
Gwyneth is wearing the most extraordinary earrings ever forged on God's earth. Blog photo people, get a picture post haste!